Portland Ikea traffic nightmare, same old story!

So over the weekend Ikea opened in Portland, Oregon. The big problem is that it is apparently next to PDX, the airport in Portland.
The city put out this (very simple) map to help commuters and Ikea shoppers get to their desired destinations. The poor sods heading to the airport were told to allow at least 30 extra minutes to get there...for at least the next few months!! There must be some marketing logic in putting Ikeas near airports, but I can't figure out what that could possibly be other than to piss people off.
The good news seems to be that no one was trampled to death.

This could have been me....good thing we broke up.

IKEA ‘hostel’ offers free sleep, meatballs
All-nighter at Norwegian retailer attracts shoppers from around the world

Updated: 4:53 p.m. ET July 28, 2007

OSLO, Norway - Home furnishing company IKEA offered customers a full shop-till-you-drop experience this week — letting them spend the night at a Norway store.

Hundreds of applications came from people wanting to stay at the IKEA Furuset “hostel” near Oslo, Frode Ullebust, a spokesman for the Swedish company, said Friday.

Shoppers from all over the world came to the warehouse during the week, slumping into one of 30 free beds and trying meatballs and salmon on offer at the bedroom section and canteen.
In addition to a dormitory, the hostel was equipped with a bridal suite, a luxury suite, as well as family and tourist rooms, Ullebust said.

The idea for the hostel experiment, which ended Friday, came from customers themselves, said IKEA spokesman Christen Roehnedak.

“But they haven’t been able to sleep much,” Roehnedak said, noting a majority of the guests stayed awake to watch the night workers refill the shelves, while others did some midnight shopping.

Check-in for the hostel began at 10 p.m., while check-out was at 11 a.m. — one hour after the store opened. “So you’ve had to be prepared to be woken up by other shoppers,” Roehnedak said.

Let's hear your stories!

I've heard from quite a few people that I'm not alone in my Ikea pain. Others too, have been hurt by the Swedish giant. If you too have been through your own Ikea customer (dis)service nightmare, please take a moment to drop me an email, or post a comment below!
Remember, it's always better to share your feelings, rather than keeping them bottled up inside!

Great Company. Sorry you got screwed too.

This just came through on my email, from another satisfied Ikea customer:

"We were there shopping 3 years ago and the idiot pushing carts in the parking ramp rammed into our SUV with the carts and gouged it. Nothing terrible, but still bad. We went inside and it took 45 minutes of being told to wait for someone to photo it and say they'd file a report and get back to us. 3 months later when we hadn't heard anything and called them,we were told they had no record of any incident and didn't know who we were.
Great company. Sorry you got screwed, too."
R.

Keep the testimonials coming folks. You're not alone. It seems that good Ikea customer service is a rare as the Ivory Billed Woodpecker.

I refuse to fight the Ikea giant

I've been spending the morning reading Ikea posts online (I should really be working). My blog is just one of many dedicated to how much Ikea sucks. Just Google "Ikea sucks, I hate Ikea, Fuck Ikea" or any combination of 'Ikea' and a negative, and you'll see that I'm not alone. In fact, we should probably unionize.
It is apparently not uncommon to be slain by the Ikea customer service giant. I guess their motto is, "Keep transferring irate customer until they give up". I, in fact, don't even want to start, because I know that I have the same odds of survival as an altar boy at a priest convention, i.e. I'm screwed. An hour on the phone yesterday was enough. They are a larger foe than I can tackle.
I wouldn't be surprised, however if someone goes 'IKEA' someday, instead of going 'Postal'. The employees are made to be miserable because the customer service they are required to provide is nil. That makes customers surly, and in turn they take it out on the hapless employees. I think their ex-Nazi founder Ingvar Feodor Kamprad (yet he was an actual Nazi), should work for week at the customer service counter. Not like that would ever happen.

Ikea is killing me....

I refuse to die for Ikea (more from the Ikea Wikipedia site):

"A new store opened in Edmonton, North London at midnight on 10 February 2005. It attracted over 6,000 visitors owing to huge opening discounts in the first three opening hours and resulted in a number of casualties as people were crushed in the rush to get into the store. The store was closed after only 30 minutes (because of the large number of customers there were inadequate security staff and police). The store was re-opened at 5pm on 11 February 2005 with no additional incident.

In Saudi Arabia three people were crushed to death in September 2004 when IKEA offered a limited number of free $150 vouchers."

Wiki Ikea

Dear Ikea-
I feel dirty. You've betrayed me. Look what I discovered on the INTERNET. Before, I was so blinded by love I never took the time to 'google' you. You, Ikea are dirty, and since I loved you, now I am stained too. A non-profit? Owned by one of the the richest men in the world? I smell something fishy and it's not Sweden's pristine shores....

I'll cut and paste part of the Wiki article here (it is dry, but worth reading)

Corporate structure
Despite its Swedish roots, IKEA is actually owned and operated by a complicated array of not-for-profit and for-profit corporations located in the Netherlands, Luxembourg, and several other countries.

The IKEA corporate structure is divided into two main parts: operations and franchising. Most of IKEA's operations, including the management of the majority of its stores, the design and manufacture of its furniture, and purchasing and supply functions are overseen by Ingka Holding, a private, for-profit Dutch company. Of the 254 IKEA stores in 35 countries, 224 are run by the INGKA Holding. The remaining 30 stores are run by franchisees outside of the Ingka Holding.

Ingka Holding is not, however, an independent company, but is rather wholly owned by the Stichting Ingka Foundation, which Kamprad established in 1982 in the Netherlands as a tax-exempt, not-for-profit foundation. The Ingka Foundation is controlled by a five-member executive committee that is chaired by Kamprad and includes his wife and attorney.

While most IKEA stores operate under the direct purview of Ingka Holding and the Ingka Foundation, the IKEA trademark and concept is owned by an entirely separate Dutch Company, Inter IKEA Systems. Every IKEA store, including those run by Ingka Holding, pays a 3% franchising fee to Inter IKEA Systems. The ownership of Inter IKEA Systems is exceedingly complicated and, ultimately, uncertain. Inter IKEA Systems is owned by IKEA Holding, a company registered in Luxembourg. IKEA Holding, in turn, belongs to an identically named company in the Netherlands Antilles that is run by a trust company based in Curaçao. The owners of this trust company are unknown (IKEA refuses to identify them) but are suspected to be members of the Kamprad family.[10]

Tax avoidance

The central purpose of IKEA’s intricate corporate structure appears to be tax avoidance. By funneling its profits through a nonprofit foundation and through a string of shell corporations in various tax havens, IKEA drastically reduces the tax burden it would face with a more straightforward corporate organization.

In 2004, the last year that the INGKA Holding group filed accounts, the company reported profits of €1.4 billion on sales of €12.8 billion, a margin of nearly 11 percent. Because INGKA Holding is owned by the nonprofit INGKA Foundation, none of this profit is taxed. The foundation's nonprofit status also means that the Kamprad family cannot reap these profits directly, but the Kamprads do collect a portion of IKEA sales profits through the franchising relationship between INGKA Holding and Inter IKEA Systems.

Inter IKEA Systems collected €631 million of franchising fees in 2004, but reported pre-tax profits of only €225 million in 2004. One of the major pre-tax expenses that Inter IKEA systems reported was €590 million of “other operating charges.” IKEA has refused to explain these charges, but Inter IKEA Systems appears to make large payments to I.I. Holding, another Luxembourg-registered group that, according to The Economist, “is almost certain to be controlled by the Kamprad family”. I.I. Holding made a profit of €328 million in 2004.

In 2004, the Inter IKEA group of companies and I.I. Holding reported combined profits of €553m and paid €19m in taxes, or approximately 3.5 percent.

The Berne Declaration, a not-for-profit organization in Switzerland that promotes corporate responsibility, has formally criticized IKEA for its tax avoidance strategies. In 2007, the Berne Declaration nominated IKEA for one of its Public Eye “awards,” which highlight corporate irresponsibility and are announced during the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

Just a sampling of things I own from Ikea.

Bill Clinton may be a sex addict, but I was an Ikea addict. No kidding, this is just a start. There are also all the things I had in my first apartment that I gave away or sold on Craigslist. If you see duplicates in the photos it's because I own multiples of the same item. I admit, I'm like a battered spouse, I couldn't stop myself from going back to my Ex-Storefriend for more abuse...
Before I graduated from college I actually made a mock-up of my new apartment by cutting pictures out of an Ikea catalog. Sick sick sick.

The issue explained.

If you have no patience to read my ramblings I will get to the crux of my problem:
I have six Henriksdal Bar Stools in 'Gobo white'.
The 'removable' covers rip easily when being 'easily removed'. (They are on tighter than Joan Rivers' face)
I would like to BUY some replacement covers. (I'm not looking for freebies and handouts)
Ikea says:

This Is Categorically Impossible.

HUH?
Yep, after speaking with no less than eight people at Ikea Direct today I was told I had NO options for replacing my ripped and stained slip covers on my stools. Well, no options other than buying six new stools, to the tune of almost $400.
Now, I wasn't a math major in college, but I know that's not a sound financial decision, especially since I'd also have to drive four hours round-trip to do so. Gas prices being what they are....
Does this make any sense. I was a loyal (to a fault) customer. I was patient and versed in the ways of the Ikea monster. I don't think what I am asking is unreasonable, I mean they still carry this product in their stores!

Why oh why are you playing with my head Ikea? Have I gone crazy, and since I'm crazy I don't know it? Help....

Ikea Direct = The Eighteenth Layer of Hell

Buddist's believe there are many layers to hell. I belive that my Ex-Storefriend, Ikea will spend eternity on The Eighteenth Floor:
Name: Chamber of Saw
Function: Those who exploit the loopholes in the law to cheat and engage in malpractice in business will find themselves being sawed into half.
Well, at least that's how I felt today after the supervisor at Ikea Direct hung up on me.

Ikea customer service is a bigger joke than 'Mission Accomplished'

I did love you Ikea, but I've always hated your 'Customer Service' side. But with such ridiculously cheap products, every once in awhile I had to go there. After almost every experience I threatened to 'break it off', now it's time.
Even worse than waiting in line at the store to return a defective $5 coffee carafe, is actually trying to get a straight answer out of 'Ikea Direct' the dreaded telephone line. That's what I did today.
So, my issue is that I need a replacement slip cover for my Henriksdal bar stool. Simple enough right? Well, no. I called the store, (since I live two hours away from my nearest Ikea), the store assured me that they had replacements in stock, in 'Gobe white' for only $10 in the 'self-service' area. Wow, I was pleasantly surprised, as I figured this could be difficult. Even though I wanted a new slipcover 'right now', I decided I could wait the two weeks before a planned trip down the coast.
I happened to be in New Jersey this weekend, so I took a trip back to my see my first love; Ikea Elizabeth (such a beautiful name). And while Lisa in the 'self service' section was helpful, there were no Henriksdal bar stool replacement slip covers to be found. She even checked in back for me, and then sent me to customer service. There, after explaining the situation again, I was told they could not help me in the store, and to go home and call IKEA DIRECT. Ugh. Never a good sign.
The Elizabeth store explained to me that there are no replacement covers for the stools I own (even though they still make, stock and sell the complete stools with covers), and that they could not, would not open a package to sell me one. My only option was to BUY A NEW STOOL. Or drive home to Maine, and bring my stools back to Stoughton, but without a receipt and being over 45 days, that might not work either.
Fast forward to today. I call IKEA DIRECT. (insert scary music here)

Why it has come to this.

So. Ikea, you really want to know why we're breaking up? This story may be hard for you to hear, and even harder for you to believe. Truth is often stranger than fiction, so the saying goes. Why, after the thousands of dollars I've spent on you over the years do we break up over a $10 item? Well, here's why:

"HENRIKSDAL
Bar stool with backrest
Key features:
Removable, machine washable cover; easy to keep clean.
Padded seat for great sitting comfort.
Footrest for extra sitting comfort.
Chair legs of solid wood, a hardwearing natural material.
$59.99"


Easy to keep clean? EASY TO KEEP CLEAN (Yes, I'm shouting) ?? A product designed for use in a kitchen made out of white fabric? Crazy Swede, you have to be joking.
Removable? Maybe with a pair of forceps and a couple of hours to kill.
These covers are on tighter than Kenny Chesney's trousers.
You see my evil Swedish ex-storefriend, herein lies the problem, I own no less than six of these silly Henriksdal stools, and while removing a cover on one (that my cat had so unceremoniously soiled), the highly pulled, stretched and strained seam gave way. Riiip. Done for.
So, now I'm stuck with a ripped cover, and a perfectly good chair.
So, I do what any normal consumer would do, I call Ikea....

This is going to be a long story

The crux of my beef with Ikea has much to do with this:

This is my kitchen island. I love my kitchen island. The rest of my loft is designed around this piece. It is mostly from Ikea (with the exception of the stainless steel wraparound cover). The cabinets, butcher-block top, doors, handles, shelves, and last but not least, the six Henriksdal bar stools are from, you guessed it, Ikea. This was a labor of love, that took no less than three trips to Stoughton, Massachusetts's to complete.
But, don't forget we do crazy things for love, right? And I love my island, and I love to cook and entertain.
The one thing that worried me about my island were the stools and specifically, their lily-white covers. But, I was willing to risk white chairs in my kitchen since:

a.) I have no children
b.) They're cute and comfy
c.) The covers are removable and washable.

Supposedly.

Where to start?

I live in what has been referred to as "The house that Ikea built."
No joke, pretty much every stick of furniture, accessory, shelf, frame and even plant I own is from Ikea. In reality, it has bordered on obsession.
I may be Norwegian, but I seem to bleed Swedish blue. I can actually pronounce the names of the products correctly, I even know what they mean. But now, today I am officially done. No more Ikea. No more Billy bookcases, Stilig shelves and especially not another Henriksdal bar stool.
Ikea, I don't know how to tell you this but, it's over. I'm breaking up with you.

What is that you say? Kamrat? Vän?

Nej, not friends. Never again. Give me back my dignity. Please.
After all that I've spent on you, $1000 leather sofa, $10 plant stand, $60 lamps, $1500 in bamboo flooring, should I go on? Are you trying to make me cry?
Remember that first apartment we had in New Jersey? Back when there was only one Ikea in the state, I think it was around 1999. Remember that little blue loveseat? The first kitchen table? The four-poster bed? I do. I'm sure you do too, but too bad. I'm gone.
I showed you loyalty, love, and for God's sake I was faithful. All these years. And look what you've done to me. Ruined a perfectly good dysfunctional relationship. I have never shopped at Ashley furniture or Bernie and Phyl's. I loved you Ikea.
Sure we've had our ups and downs. It was tough sometimes before the website that allowed me to check stock levels before driving to Elizabeth. Sure I was frustrated when the last piece if the Ivar bookshelf was out-of-stock (again!!), but I got over it. We made up. Patience is a virtue after all.
You plied me with Daim candies and those tiny shrimp I love that remind me of Norway. I couldn't stop myself from coming back. Because, truly, I loved you Ikea. Now. I hate you. Even though you've filled my new loft with stylish, reasonably priced furniture it's really over. Not like you care.